Working on a universal social media profile

Wouldn’t it be great to go from site to site and have a standard, high-quality profile to look all legit and professional? Wouldn’t it be nice to not stumble on that one account you made ages ago and wince at what you put there just to finish the application process? If you aren’t nodding your head like a parrot to his favorite jam, that means that you are more on the ball than I am.

I found a similar article to this on Pinterest (sorry I have had too much coffee to find it now), and I think it’s such a brilliant idea that I’ve started to enforce it.

The basic idea is this: You spend 30 minutes perfecting your “about me” pitch. You polish it up so it gleams so brightly it brings tears of pride to your eyes. Then…you don your camo, grab the item immediately to your left, and you go hunting zombie profiles. You know, the profiles which should be dead…but aren’t. My advice: Warpaint. Put it on your webcam with a tiny brush so the dystopic government agency on the other side only sees your warrior alter-ego. Shake hands with your old, very old, and previously abandoned e-mail addresses who feel outraged by your abandoning them in a dark alley with five bucks and a bottle of whiskey. Brush them up, get familiar with them, set up a new password, one you can both remember. Then go knocking on all your old profiles. Username? Old e-mail accounts? You’ve got two of them now.  All you gotta do is team those two up to shake down the system and coerce it into giving you a new password–or perhaps with enough rattling, the doorguard will give in to one of your password guesses.

Now that you’re in, it’s showtime. Rip into the “Edit Profile” tab, yank out that dusty old bio, and replace it with the shiny brand new one. It might cry. It might protest. The system may even time you out, but not if you’re prepared and not if you go into the account with one goal in mind: Bio transplant. In the end, when it’s done recovering, it will look shiny. It will feel young. It will be re-pledged to furthering your career.

There’s one done. But you have other zombies to hunt.

Remember: The world is not safe until all bios are transplanted successfully.

Uncle Sam is calling on you for social unity and a better world to live in.

Stop reading and get that warpaint on.

-Your Commander Nicolette

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS. Wheee! Coffee!

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