Yep. I think I’m going to revamp my blog in about as many ways as I can. A new look, new topics. Just new. Still me, of course. I’ve actually thought about deleting the old posts and starting fresh, but I sort of thought that part of the reason for this blog was to record the journey of me as a writer, and that includes having things that are from my past, things that I may not think anymore. So in that light, with a nod to integrity, I’d be best to let my previous postings stand. But why have I been looking at such a dramatic shift? What’s caused this sudden change of heart?
The reason is, I haven’t been the same since my miscarriage. The change in my behavior, in me as a person, and in my writing has been pretty dramatic. Like, I’ve gone from Beatrix Potter-for-adults-like tales to Edgar Allen Poe like tales. I guess my husband reads some of my writing after I’ve gone to bed, and he just made the comment to me that my writing has taken on a distinctly darker, more vivid style to it. For a while, my depression was so deep that I was unable to write anymore. Creatively unable. It was so strange to watch a movie and when it was over, it was over. No variation of the plotline, no carryover of an awesome character into one of my plots. I had no plots. I had no characters.
My visit to my “happy place” was a mental graveyard, with headstones of characters and epitaphs like, “Well, you got one of my stories written.” or “The world will never know me” or “Fat chance writing my tale. Ever.” Yeah….sheesh, I’m sorry, guys, that sounds waaaay depressing. I seem to remember it being one of my normal mental images, something without much emotion tied to it. Now, the dark stuff, the truly crushing nightmares that I had—I never wrote those. Part of my recovery was that I forced myself to start writing again, to ignore the inner critic gone rampant, and I actually avoided writing about anything dark. And my husband said he found Poe less depressing.
…anyway! That’s in a nutshell why I can’t get back to the upbeat, confident note that I strived for (and sometimes fell short of) when I originally started posting.
For now, I’m on a schedule. A timed schedule, with so much time allotted for blogging. To get myself back into the habit of blogging again, I’m going to do a 30-Day Journal, starting today. Where I write about something, all to get back into a habit.
I’m up on my time limit now, so I’ll take a few to change up my blog’s appearance, and then I’m off to my next task.