Of interviews, hopes, and lack of energy

Just a quick little post today; nothing overly insightful, I’m afraid. So I went in for an interview today (it’ll be ‘yesterday’ by the time you read this, sorry) as a copy editor/layout designer, and I love the topic, like the people, and am already bracing for the worst. The worst being a “sorry, you aren’t quite the right candidate” letter. I’ve got a few of them stashed away on the kitchen preparation counter, getting splattered by coffee. Back to what happened today, I spent an hour interviewing (it didn’t seem like that long) and three hours doing a skills test. I’m kicking myself a little over that, but what’s done is done, and I did my best. That’s all I can do, and I’ve got to just accept that. But it’s hard.

No matter what they decide, I’ve decided that I need to take my self-publishing more seriously. They started out as one magazine, now they run several. They are nation-wide, and even have a Canadian publication. They’ve had 25 years to do it, but it’s now or never to get started.

It’s hard to let go of thinking about something that can change your life so much. I went to college for 4.5 years to graduate, get a job, settle down, and blah-de-blah. Even my parents have commented about how I should “have a job to make college worthwhile”, but what good is a degree if I can’t even get a simple receptionist job? Then I think, wait, I couldn’t be doing this level of indie publishing if I didn’t have my degree. I wouldn’t know where to start. Instead of relying on the stars to line up just right, say the right things, and hope that I fit the vision of a model employee, I need to make my own imprint. I need to hold myself accountable, otherwise my degree really is going to waste.

But, how am I to do this? I certainly don’t have any money to shake at it. I probably shouldn’t have bought cream at the grocery store. We’re waiting for the hubbs’ field season to start up again so we can get any sort of money—I may or may not have mentioned that we cannot apply for any sort of aide, due to our circumstances, we’ve looked into it—and I worry about if it will be a late year for it, due to the volatile budget from DC. We’re living on savings, and they dwindle fast, even when we’re too cheap to buy potato chips and convenience food.

Faith, faith, it all comes down to faith. And hopes that the federal refund is going to be enough to help us limp through another month or two; or maybe it’ll help me pay off credit cards.

Anyway. We got a seed & plant catalogue today, and I’m going to go curl up with him and pick out a few plants to make the dead gardens seem happier. I’ll live on ramen noodle and cabbage for a week if it’ll be enough to give me some extra joy in my life. I like living here, in this mostly-renovated, drafty, oddly-shaped house with sagging doorframes. I love writing. I love my overly energetic pets, and I love my husband. And when I’m not brooding about finances and jobs, this home is what I see. It is what I need to focus on to help get through these times.

Hoping you find inspiration wherever you look,

Nicolette

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